You should be more careful next time

Living overseas can be a very "romantic" thing. Romantic in the Anne of Green Gables sense. It can be fun, it can be interesting, adventerous, and definately stretching.
But, those of us who live or have lived overseas in a foreign culture know that with all of the "good stuff" also comes the stuff that threatens to drive you absolutely cuckoo.
There are just those moments that leave you feeling like you would like to throw your hat on the ground, jump up and down on it, with steam pouring out your ears, while letting out a blood curdling yell from the bottom of your gut. I won't get into a big discussion about it all here right now...but I will talk about it sometime. All in all- cultural differences are healthy. They make you, nay force you to choose whether you will walk in step with the Spirit or not. And they develop your character. But there are those choice moments when it's just so hard to not be an angry foreigner!

Here is an example. Tonight, I went to work out with a couple friends. We checked out a step aroebics class. Quite good. We were feeling fine. It was a little late, so we just popped into a little restaurant nearby to grab something quick to eat. They had some food that we were looking forward to eating. So, we order, the food comes...we start to eat. My friend finds an egg shell in her food.... we keep eating, I chomp down on a hard piece of bone, I spit it out. We keep eating. Then I bite on something hard and sharp. OUch!! What is it? I take it out...it's a jagged little piece of glass!!! (So, I must say here, I've never had glass in my food here, so it is an out of the ordinary experience) So, immediately I worry that maybe there was other glass in my food that I ate already, or something. I definately felt unsettled! So I go up to the girl behind the counter and I show her the glass. And she replies "You should be more careful next time." That's it. That's all I get. Fortunately I didn't make a scene because at that moment I didn't understand what she said until I went back to my table and repeated it to my tablemates who informed me of the meaning of the response.
So, I saw the manager, brought her to our table and told her what happened. and she basically just offered my money back or another bowlful. I appreciated that she was fair about it. We didn't say too much other than that is not safe. And she really didn't say much other than making that offer. Now I wish we would have given her a long speech about what to tell the guys in the kitchen. About how if they break something and they aren't sure where the glass went, then they should throw it out, and to be careful not to get egg shells in stuff..etc etc... Not angry like, but long and descriptive so as to stress how unsafe the situation was. And I wished we would have coached her on how the staff should respond if someone complains that there is glass in their food. ie you don't say "You should be more careful next time." Anyway, stuff is like that here. You always second guess how you handled something. Oh, maybe I was too hard on them, oh maybe I was too easy on them, maybe I didn't say enough, oh maybe I embarrassed them, oh maybe they cheated me, oh, maybe they didn't understand what we were saying!.... and etc!

ANyway, my point wasn't about the manager, but about the first girl. "You should be more careful next time" girl. She and I should both be very thankful that I couldn't understand her response right away. Sometimes it's grace to not have all the words you need to express what you are feeling!! But in the situation, she said what she could say. In her mind she wasn't being a twit. I don't exactly know what was going on in her mind, but I do know this.... that here, someone with her job has no power. So she only has permission to do her little job and nothing else. She can't step out of her little job "box." She has no power to say- "Oh that's terrible!! I'm so sorry let me see what I can do for you!" Nope, she doesn't have that authority. Only the manager has the authority to do anything or offer any consideration. So, actually even as I walked up to the counter to complain, I knew in my heart, "this is going to go nowhere. "( While I realize that in canada a lot of clerks and restaurant personelle are limited too, that they have to get the manager to ok a lot of stuff... it's just a whole different level here)

SO, anyway, all this to say. While I do really love living here, and there are so many things that are all those great things- fun, interesting, adventurous, new and we love the people here.....Sometimes living here isn't "romantic." Sometimes it's hard, and it tempts you to be grouchy, and irritable, especially when people say things that you think "Dude, why would you even remotely think that is an ok thing to say to me?" "Why would you tell ME to be careful when YOUR restaurant served ME a shard of glass hidden in my food?" Ok, calm down....so, sometimes it's hard. But it's always healthy. The harder cultural things here do serve to refine you. It shows you your own ugly side, and calls you to make sure that you are walking with Christ. And sometimes you bungle it, you scowl when you should smile, you snap when you should be gently firm....and often you feel rotten later -"Oh why did I handle that so badly?" but even in that you grow. You grow because it only reinforces how great the grace is that we stand in.